My Brain is Full

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On February 11th, a mere 35 days away, I’m going to take the ACT. I ‘m going to take the test that will be sent to colleges that I might attend someday. It’s one step in a journey towards applying to college, which is a step towards BEING in college, which is a step towards graduating from college, which is a step towards… the rest of my life.

So yeah, it’s not a big deal.

I know that it’s just a test and that college doesn’t mean everything. I know that I don’t need college to live a great life, or even to have a successful career. Still, it’s a big step for me. It has a certain scent to it… it smells like… growing up. Growing up. I hate that phrase today. I wish I was either a little kid or already grown up. Growing up sounds… never-ending and not much fun.

The thing is…

like growing up. I like experiencing new things and being able to see things from a younger person’s perspective because I’ve been there. I like looking back on old memories and seeing how far I’ve come. I like the journey of childhood. I’m glad that mine has been (and is) one of love and learning. There’s never been a question too stupid to ask. There’s never been a wrong that hasn’t been righted in some way.

But I still hate growing up.

I just don’t like right now. Right now I have a lot (a few in reality) of decisions to make. Should I stay here (my hometown) for college or move away? Should I get my driver’s licence? Should I get a job? What job should I get? How do I prioritize all the things in my life? How do I keep up with everything going on and still maintain good relationships with my family, friends, and God?

I’m always thinking of new things to worry about and other things to add to my busy head, but it’s already so full that I can’t possibly add anything else. And I think it’s time to stop trying. I just need to sit tight, study hard, and worry about everything else (or most of “everything else”) after the test. 🙂

Even though I just said all that…

I really love where I am in my life. I love the ups and downs. I love the people and the learning. I love the journey. ❤

Back to School

This week I’m getting back to school after a week-long break. Last week was full of fun and fair stuff. I enjoyed it even though it wasn’t what I expected it to be. This week the grind of school is back in my life. It’s time to settle down to long days of work.

I found it pretty hard to focus today, but that’s usual after a long break. I found myself falling asleep, drifting into daydreams, and taking much longer on tasks than I usually do. All I wanted to do today was go outside (because it was 80 degrees out) and read, but I was stuck inside doing schoolwork that I really didn’t feel like doing.

On Sunday, my teacher brought up an interesting point about school. We’re all given the teaching that we’re given for a reason. Nothing we learn is unimportant or not useful. My teacher has found that even the smallest, most inapplicable things from school have found their way into her life.

It helps me to sort of triumph over the hard things in school when I realize that everything I’m learning has a purpose in God’s eyes, even when I can’t see it. It’s funny because I recently thought that I shouldn’t do the Omnibus next year because I’m going to become a writer and all of the theological, philosophical, deep-thinking stuff couldn’t apply to that career. I realized yesterday that it can. Even though I’m not learning the craft of writing I have learned so much from the Omnibus that I’ve been able to improve my writing and my thinking in general.

Everything in life is so much more interconnected than I used to think. Every part of it touches another part and in that way it’s all joined together. It’s a web of ideas, knowledge, love, and difficulties. It’s interesting to see my view if the web widen. It’s so exciting to be alive and experience this wonderful world of God’s.

My Brain is Mush

My brain felt sort of mushy today. I can’t really focus and I feel scatter-brained. Best thing to do when scatter-brained? Do something creative. I didn’t get that chance today and guess what? I’m still scatter-brained. My brain is mushy and I feel like plopping down in a chair with a good book, accordion music (makes me think of France), and earl grey tea. Yum. 🙂 That feels like quite a nice idea.

I guess it’s too late now (11pm) to be drinking tea, but at least I can do this. Write.

It’s my mother’s birthday today. Love you mummy (I never actually call her that) ❤ ❤ <3. She is the best. We didn’t do much other then school and go to co-op. I got a lot of science and math done during my three (or four, I can’t remember) study hall hours. So. Much. Fun. :/

Well, this post has turned into a lot of nothing.

Good night,

Claire 

Failing and Trying Again

There’s a rabbit in my backyard. He’s sitting at the top of the hill by the little lilac bush at the edge of the shadow made by the house. He’s bounded away now, across the yellowy grass and into the evergreen tree. I guess it it a nice morning. The sun is shining frequently between the bits of cloud in the blue sky. There’s a big pot of tea on the table in front of me and I’m listening to organ music.

Yeah, I guess it is a nice day.

I haven’t been writing lately, and I could blame that on a lot of things, but the truth is that I’ve been lazy. I haven’t felt like writing for a while now and the result is a lack of posts, even lazy ones. 🙂

Life has been busy. I started co-op last week, karate and youth group the week before. And on top of it all I have a mountain of schoolwork to do. Literally. However, I’m not going to consider that an excuse anymore, because the whole reason I started this blog was to write every day, and I haven’t been doing that.

I hate that I fail, try again, and fail again. It’s a useless cycle that doesn’t teach me anything except how much I fail. What else is there to do but try again? I don’t want to quit and never get anywhere, because maybe one day I won’t fail.

Blessings in my Life

Day 11: Write about five blessings in your life

1. My quickly shifting moods

This part of me doesn’t always seem like a blessing, because it has been the cause of my general confusion of how I really feel. Yet, this constant change of moods is a blessing, because it helps me to move on. I can never stay sad for too long, because my mood is nearly always lifted when I wake up in the morning and remember that the world is beautiful.

2. Books

I have read so many books and they have taught me so much. They are a definite blessing in my life. I don’t know what I’d do without them.

3. Writing

I love knowing what I plan on doing for the rest of my life, but this blessing goes beyond that. Whether or not I make any money on writing I will always love it. I love writing because it’s my passion. I don’t love it because it might make me rich or famous, or because it has dozens of money-making careers connected with it.

4. Family

My family has taught me all about life, happiness, and love. However, my family is also a blessing because of the support they give to me without me even realizing it half the time. Family is such an important part of my life, because they love me unconditionally and act like it as well.

5. Friends

What would I do without those friends in my life that have stretched me beyond what I thought was possible, stuck by me in all of my tween angst, and love me for who I am?

6. Learning

Learning was my second love (just behind reading), and I don’t think I’ve ever stopped loving it since I began. School is structured, but because I’m home schooled I get to structure it however I want (for the most part). I don’t just mean school though, I mean all kinds of learning. I’ve been learning a great bit lately, about life and growing up. I’ve been learning what it means to think for myself, convey my ideas and beliefs in a coherent way, and appreciate everything that God has blessed me with. 🙂

“Fallish” Things

School is back in my life again and with it comes schedules, a quiet house, and a lot of learning. I won’t complain, because I love school dearly. It’s always been a friend to me. Of course, with school comes autumn and chilly weather. I couldn’t have imagined autumn two weeks ago, in that dreadfully humid weather, but now I can. On Sunday morning I was pleasantly surprised to find that the air smelled like autumn. It wasn’t cool and dry, but was faintly spicy. Yes, autumn is coming. I shall miss the warm weather and yes, the humidity as well, but I am looking forward to “fallish” things:

  • Colorful leaves
  • cooler weather
  • apple picking
  • more school 🙂
  • youth group

Ahhh… yes, autumn is a pleasant season. School has returned, cooler days are coming, and the world keeps spinning around. Glorious world, beautiful life! I can’t believe that I am living, right now, in this beautiful place. 🙂

Waiting For School to Begin…

It’s August 13th and, I must admit, I am more than ready for school to begin. I’ve been off from school for nearly two months. I had a nice break. I’ve read a great deal, watched a good TV show (Gortimer Gibbon’s Life on Normal Street), and helped my mom prepare for school. I didn’t think I’d be able to do it, but I’ve let myself relax and really enjoy these last few weeks.

Yet, even though I loved the break, I love school even more. I can’t wait to dig into this new school year. I have a great feeling about this year. I hope it lives up to my expectations. I want it to be absolutely perfect, but I know that’s impossible. 🙂

Even if perfection isn’t attainable, growing is. I love learning and as long as I do that it’s a good year. Last year, even if it wasn’t the best organized or the most productive, I learned more than I ever have before. Still, I’d like to learn from my mistakes last year, by making a few changes:

  1. Don’t press myself too hard to finish every subject every day
  2. Don’t burn out by October
  3. Leave time for fun

Yes, I’m trying to easier on myself this year. I’m always so hard on myself. I push myself too far and every time I just explode from the pressure of everything. I can’t do that again. I want to make this year fun. 🙂

Why I’m Still Working on School

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It’s July 8. The sun is shining down on my neighborhood full of kids that are busy enjoying their break from school. Well, not every kid is done with school. Hi there! It’s me, Claire, and while the rest of the country is on vacation I’m still working on school. I’m still working on my massive Omnibus IV, three subjects in one book (theology, history, and literature).

I’d be lying if I said I was excited to be doing school in July, but I would also be lying if I told you I wasn’t. It’s a strange thing, but yes, I still enjoy doing school this late in the year. Not all the time, but most of the time I still enjoy it. I enjoy getting up early to work on my latest essay or to read a few chapters of Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea. I love the books I’ve been getting to read, as well as the excuse to sit on the porch and read all day.

Of course, it truly isn’t all fun and games. It’s hard work focusing on school when everyone else is watching Star Wars and Zootopia, or spending a restful afternoon just drawing. Sometimes I want to quit, and sometimes I do, but most of the time I keep going. I fight through the distractions and find that not quitting is ten times more satisfying than quitting. There are times when I take breaks, but only after I’ve worked hard and accomplished a lot, or when I know that I need a break.

Now, school isn’t the only thing I’ve been doing lately. I’ve been reading for fun a lot. Right now I’m reading Farmer Boy and Coronation Summer (Angela Thirkell). Yesterday I started a puzzle. I love puzzles! There’s something so satisfying about fitting all the pieces together. 🙂 I have also been watching the original Star Wars trilogy and yesterday I watched The Phantom Menace, which was not as bad as I expected it to be. I mean, yeah, the acting wasn’t great and there were some cheesy jokes that I rolled my eyes at, but it wasn’t half bad. I can’t wait to watch Attack of the Clones. 

Happy Summer!

~Claire 

 

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These are some pictures of my neighborhood this morning. It was all covered in dew and the color of the sky was beautiful. 🙂 I love foggy mornings.

Today was the first day of testing! I am actually still at the church now, sitting by an open window as the rain patters down outside. After lunch (ham sandwiches and carrot sticks) me and my siblings played a fun game called four-square, and then me and my sister Abby played soccer while my other two siblings finished their tests (Abby won 4-2). It’s been a fun day of testing and actually relaxing, i.e not worrying about school for a while. I am really enjoying my break so far.

Happy Star Wars Day! May the fourth be with you! I am going to celebrate by putting my hair up like Rey’s. 🙂

(later)

I’m home now and eating chocolate covered almonds. This post is turning into a journal entry. 😉 I have Little House in the Big Woods sitting beside me waiting to be read.

Star Wars Stuff…

  1. (One of) My favorite scene(s): nerfherder

2. Favorite character…?

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There’s just a few… XD

3. Favorite Movie (of the ones that I’ve seen):

There’s my Star Wars/Journaling post!

The Near Future

There are a few things that I am looking forward to in the near future:

  1. Almond Butter – I convinced my mom to buy almond butter at the store today! I have wanted to the try it out for a while now and I finally get to. I am really looking forward to finding some fun ways to eat it. All this week I’ll be putting it on my apples, in my smoothies, on crackers, on toast, and so much more! I hope it tastes good. I actually haven’t tried it yet.
  2. Testing – Yes, I know this sounds strange, but I love testing. 🙂 It has always been a fun experience for me. My family and I (we’re homeschooled) take our tests at our church. It’s really fun because we are the only ones there and during the break we get to go outside and run around. We also bring cool snacks (almond butter!).
  3. Arthur – My siblings and I have been watching all the old episodes of Arthur. I love Arthur and my love for it never grows any weaker. That show is great!

 

There are also somethings that I’m not looking forward to.

  1. Summer break – I think this is mostly because I will still be doing a lot of school and because everything seems to stop during the summer. A lot of fun stuff goes on in summer, but not a lot of it happens regularly.
  2. Running out of almond butter – Because it will happen… 😦

See you tomorrow world!