The Point

Sparklers.:

I am a complete and utter mess of a human being.

I hope some of you can sympathize.

I am plagued by my emotions and the scary thoughts that run rampant in my brain. I’m plagued by fear of what people think. I am overrun by the way I feel. I feel hurt so often that I’ve begun to push away, emotionally, from those who have hurt me in the past. I begin to see them as so two-dementional. I know that there is more to them then that, but I don’t really feel like trying to figure them out. I keep an open mind towards them. I love them, I do, but I love them cynically.

Sometimes it seems like there is no point in loving others when all they give back is indifference. I often think I am so done dealing with them. I push them away. I push love away. I push God away.

I guess that’s when I realized, just today, that life is so much bigger than me and my stupid experiences. My feelings aren’t always valid as I’d like to believe. My thoughts and conclusions are ridden with errors. Yes, I’m a mess, and when I realize this I realize that there is a point to love. There is a big point.

Jesus loves us.

Yes, I know, it sounds cheesy. What I’ve realized is that some of the most cheesy things in life are sometimes the truest things.

Jesus does love all of us, and if we follow Him, we make it our business to love Him and others as he loved us. Jesus is the perfect example of grace and love. He is the point to all the pointlessness in the world. He is the savior of the lost and the hope for the hopeless.

I’m done living thinking that love has not point, because love does have a point. A very big point.

Very Excited

Image result for nanowrimo 2016

On Friday, November 4 I started NaNoWriMo… four days late! I don’t exactly know what made me take on such a crazy, ridiculous challenge, but I did it. I started NaNo and I’m so glad I did. Even though I’m about 3,000 words behind schedule, that’s okay! I’m glad I decided to do it, because I’m really enjoying it so far.

Of course, it’s only day six (and it’s really only my third day), I’m still on a roll. I haven’t come across any road blocks or backed-up traffic. I’m speeding down the highway of my novel still. However, it’s only day six and I’m only on chapter four. Anything could happen between now and November 30 that could put me behind schedule permanently.

Still, even though I’m a bit unsure of where I’m going or where I’ll be, I’m excited and happy. 🙂 I’m living the dream right now. I’ve wanted to do NaNoWriMo for so long. So to actually be sitting down and attempting to write a novel in a month is pretty surreal still.

I’m looking forward to late nights and early mornings of tapping frantically on my computer, writing nonsense because I have to write something. I’m looking forward to many cups of tea, possible write-ins, and many word sprints. I’m looking forward to January and February when I’ll be (hopefully) editing and all that fun stuff. Ahhh!! I am so excited!!

Dreams and Reality

The sun was rising in the clean, blue sky over the colorful hills behind my neighborhood. A very busy day was about to begin, but I wanted to take a moment to breathe. It was 65 degrees (Fahrenheit) outside, the sun was shining, and the colors of fall were about to fade. I took care to notice each different color on the leaves of the neighborhood trees, but I found the colorful hills in the distance far more alluring.

I wanted to go there. I wanted to throw off the tethers of what I was supposed to do and go on an adventure. Thinking about running across the bare cornfield and finding myself at the base of those hills made me tingle with longing. The only thing standing in my way was reality. Thinking about getting into the van and going to co-op for another day where I wouldn’t get much school done made me want to stay home, but I went because I had to.

My dreams are big and bold and beautiful to me. I love to imagine all their most intricate details and make up an alternate reality in my head. It’s easy to get lost in there.

Reality is clear-cut, but oddly uncertain, and a lot of work. It’s a lot of hard work, but  the rewards of working hard make up for it.

I wouldn’t want to live forever in my dreamland where nothing ever gets accomplished, but I don’t want to get so bogged down by reality that I have no dreams. I always want to have dreams, even when I’m old. It’s all a matter of weaving dreams into reality and trying to make them possible. I try to remember this when I’m thinking about my own dream of becoming a freelancing, tiny-houser on a farm. 🙂 It’s a big dream, but I’m always striving to make it possible.

An Accomplishment

The daily grind was easier today. I started school an hour earlier than I did yesterday and finished an hour earlier as well. I haven’t finished absolutely everything, but I can work on it later, before The Voice comes on at 8. 🙂

I just finished my hour of writing for today, which I found surprisingly easy. I’ve been out of ideas and motivation for a while, but articles about motivation, creativity, ideas, and inspiration really encouraged me yesterday and today. I was so inspired that a story idea popped into my mind on Sunday and I began to flesh it out. Now,  I’ve started that story and I hope to finish it soon, because my family wants me to write them stories for Christmas this year which I am happy to do, if I have enough time.

It was sort of amazing, because when I sat down to write on Sunday, the words just came. It was a little hard at first to make everything flow as nicely as I wanted it too; I kept deleting everything because it didn’t sound perfect. I had to stop and remind myself that it was a first draft and it didn’t have to be perfect.

Tomorrow I hope to keep writing and reading about writing. There is something satisfying in sitting down to write and actually doing it. I hope I can keep my momentum up, but even more than that, I hope I can keep going even when my momentum is running low.

~ Claire

Failing and Trying Again

There’s a rabbit in my backyard. He’s sitting at the top of the hill by the little lilac bush at the edge of the shadow made by the house. He’s bounded away now, across the yellowy grass and into the evergreen tree. I guess it it a nice morning. The sun is shining frequently between the bits of cloud in the blue sky. There’s a big pot of tea on the table in front of me and I’m listening to organ music.

Yeah, I guess it is a nice day.

I haven’t been writing lately, and I could blame that on a lot of things, but the truth is that I’ve been lazy. I haven’t felt like writing for a while now and the result is a lack of posts, even lazy ones. 🙂

Life has been busy. I started co-op last week, karate and youth group the week before. And on top of it all I have a mountain of schoolwork to do. Literally. However, I’m not going to consider that an excuse anymore, because the whole reason I started this blog was to write every day, and I haven’t been doing that.

I hate that I fail, try again, and fail again. It’s a useless cycle that doesn’t teach me anything except how much I fail. What else is there to do but try again? I don’t want to quit and never get anywhere, because maybe one day I won’t fail.

The Outcasts and the Weirdos

This morning I re-watched an “old” episode of Ask Jordan (Blimey Cow). It’s called “7 Tips For High School.” I watched this video when Jordan released it last October and it really made me think. When I watched it again this morning I knew what to expect, but the message really hit me hard again. If you haven’t watched this video then I suggest that you do that before continue to read this post.

Jordan has some really good pointers for high-schoolers throughout the video, but the last one hit me the hardest. Tip number seven is, in other words, to be friends with the outcasts. It’s a good pointer in and of itself. It’s so important to be friends to people that are called “weird” or “troubled” because you have no idea what’s going on in their lives, and if you do know then that’s all the more reason to be friends with them. Again, the tip was good, but the true story that Jordan told to illustrate it was powerful.

Jordan tells a story about this guy he knew when he was in high school. This guy was considered weird and was very troubled. If you haven’t heard this story then I beg you to check out the video I linked to. Jordan, obviously, tells this story much better then I can. The whole story showcases how invaluable relationships with the outcasts can be. It can save a persons life.

I read through the comment section of the video and stumbled upon a comment made by someone who was struggling with depression. In their comment they thanked Jordan for reminding people that the outcasts are often the people that need friends the most. Another person responded, who had struggled with depression in the past, and the two went back and forth encouraging one another. The second person shared this Bible verse:

1 Peter 5:10

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

I think it’s neat how they were so encouraging to one another. It made me smile. 🙂

I think these comments and Jordan’s video, really opened my eyes this morning. I’ve always known that their are struggling, hurting, broken, “weird” people out there, but I haven’t come across many in my life. Now, as I look closer, I see that it’s not just the people from broken families who are struggling just to live each day that need friends. Everyone is in need of a friend. Maybe I don’t know many people who are outcasts, but I do know many people who are made fun of and laughed at, for simply being who they are. Not weirdos, but just their own self.

So many people are made fun of because they aren’t like everyone else. I know that it’s wrong, but do I do anything about it? Sometimes the answer, for me, is no. Today, and in the future, I want the answer to be yes.

Blogging Vision and Scattered Thoughts

On April 5, 2016 I started this blog. It feels like such a long time ago, but then I remember that it’s only been two (nearly three) months. When I think back to that first post it feels like at least six months ago that I finally found the words I’d been wanting to say for so long. I can’t believe how I just “knew” I would fail. I “knew” that I would never find anything to write about. I “knew” that I would never have time to write at all. In some instances, those things came true. Sometimes I write whatever pops into my head, because I run out of energy to come up with anything very good. However, for the most part, I’ve stuck to my original vision and have written more than I have in the past few years.

What I always have to remember is that I didn’t start this blog to write about anything in particular. I started it to write about whatever pops into my head. I started this blog so that I could write. every. day. I want to be a published author someday and to do that I have to write… a lot. I have to write even when I don’t feel like it. I have to write when I’m tired. I have to write even when it seems like there’s nothing to write about.

Sometimes I feel like I should write about something, or I know that putting out a review or whatever will bring in more page views. I have to keep reminding myself that I don’t really care about those things. At the end of the day, all I care about is writing something that is authentic and written while keeping in mind my vision. All I want to do is write every day. I don’t have to write about certain things in order to show people that I’m this or that. I just need to be me, and those things will surface on their own.

I know that you be you sounds kind of corny, but if who you are is what Christ finds pleasing, than you are who you’re supposed to be. You don’t need to be anything more then that. I’m not saying follow your heart. am saying to be who you are, in Christ.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this: don’t fold to the pressures of those around you who are trying to make you someone you aren’t.

Stay awesome friends,

Claire

P.S – This post was all over the place. 🙂

Thank You Relient K

My first thankful list

1. Today was a long day, but a good one. It helps to remember that I don’t have to live for tomorrow. Today is today and that is the only day I have to live for. One step at a time or you’ll trip. ☺

2. When times get tough and I can’t think of positives, I always remember life. Life is an amazing gift. I get to live today. I breathe the air and my heart is beating. I get to live today and that’s something that I can never forget to thank God for.

Collapsible Lung (Relient K) is a great song. I’ve been listening to it a lot. It inspired the two things on my thankful list. 😊 Thank You Relient K.

A Beautiful Day and Honesty

Thought One:

The wind is blowing through the trees. They are all in sync. All of the trees in my neighborhood dance to the music of the softly blowing breeze.

I look up at the sky and see the sun, peeking through the clouds. Metaphors pass through my head as I squint up at it. I hold them each in my mind for a millisecond before letting them go like dainty butterflies.

I look at the ground and see many things. Life flows around them and connects them all together. They are all connected by life and the one who gave them that life. The pink peonies shyly nod at the visiting bees, and people pass by; their unique story swirling throughout and around them like the enticing scent of a mysterious perfume.

Throughout everything in my world this afternoon flows the beautiful hope of a summer yet to happen. Memories are waiting to happen, lives are waiting to change, and dreams are waiting to be made and accomplished. Everything is possible all of a sudden, simply because it’s summer.

It’s a beautiful life, but hard too.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I’ve honestly started this post about four times. None of the times before this felt right. Now, as I sit here looking out on my front yard and evaluating life as I know it, it feels right.

Thought Two:

Can we be honest? Please. Because most of the time we aren’t completely honest, not with ourselves and not with others.

Are we ever okay? Really and truly, fine? When we speak these words are we being truthful? I’m not okay. Constantly. It’s okay to not be fine. It’s okay to be hurting. And it’s OKAY to say that. When life gets hard. When we are hurting. It’s okay to admit that. Why do we think that we have to be strong all the time? We don’t have to, because we can’t. There is no possible way to be fine all the time.

The question of whether or not other people can help us is irrelevant. Other people aren’t there to help you all the time. The real question is whether or not we care about the people who care about us, enough to tell them about what is going on in our lives, good and bad.

I fail at this all the time. I did today. But pretending to be fine is never the answer. Being honest is the answer.

I’m still not sure what this post is about. It’s really just the thoughts that have been floating around my head today. I love this beautiful life of mine. I love the beauty in the world, I love summer, and I love honesty. Yes, I’m scatter-brained today, but what can you expect from a girl who has about a hundred things running through her mind at a time? 😉

Listen to good music and be honest with yourself and others,

~ Claire

Fresh Encouragement Everyday

Encouragement is something that seems hard to get these days. Everything in our lives seem so big and scary and bad that we  simply don’t see the beauty in the small, good things. It is only when something comes out at us that is as big as the problem that we feel encouraged. This simply should not be. There is so much encouragement to be found everywhere.

Sometimes I have bad days (today isn’t one of them) and when I do it’s usually because I’m being selfish. Rarely is it because something bad is actually happening. Yet, I’m always amazed at the encouragement that I get when I’m in these bad moods. Sometimes it’s something as simple as seeing the sun rise in the morning while the grass is wet with dew. The colors spreading across the sky like fingers or floating across it like water-color paint. Seeing this beautiful example of God’s love and sovereignty makes me realize that my bad morning doesn’t matter. It makes me look at things in a new perspective. Why does God give us such undeserved encouragement? (Love) 

Everyday fresh encouragements meet me, but sometimes I miss them. Here are the ones that I didn’t miss today:

  • Ephesians 4
  • Deck ball with siblings
  • Cinnamon popcorn
  • Playing the piano after church

If you need encouragement than read Ephesians 4. Actually, read all of Ephesians. It’s a good book. 🙂

Farewell and listen to good music. 😀