Sometimes I think. Sometimes I have thoughts. Today my thought is this: The future is scary. By scary, I mean terrifying. When I think about the future and everything that inevitably comes with it… I begin to sink deep into thought. Then I find myself, much later, sitting in near darkness on my bed, still thinking. It’s an endless cycle sometimes. Thinking about the same, useless things. Things I can’t control, or even scarier, things I can control.
I hate making decisions. I hate choosing. I hate thinking that maybe the choice I made was wrong. I’m scared to live my life that way. Yet, I still live this way. In indecision I tread on. Oh, the future. It’s full of choices. Which college to go, who to date, who to be friends with, what job to take. These practical questions are hard enough to answer, but to think of choosing to end a relationship, or to leave home forever, to stand up to cruelty, and defend the defenceless. These choices are so much harder.
Maybe someday. Maybe. I’ll be better at making decisions, and making the right ones.