Changing

I realize everyday that I don’t really know myself very well. There is always more to learn. I’ve learned lately that I’m able to change. I’m not a stagnant being because there’s so much to learn and so much room for change.

And I am changing. Change is so weird. Sometimes it comes quickly and surprises me. Sometimes it comes slow and I’ll suddenly realize that something is different.

It was strange the day I realized that I liked change, because I used to hate it so much. I didn’t like people leaving my life. I didn’t like growing up. I figured that if everything just stayed the same then I would never have to worry about those things. Because those things were hard.

When I finally realized that change was good it was like a huge weight was lifted off me. And I felt free to live life. I felt free to really immerse myself in life, and to love things and people even though they might end up leaving, because that’s the way it is. I’m not done learning this lesson either. It keeps becoming clearer to me that life is full of change and that even though I lose things I love, I should never stop loving them all the same.

Just another thought for another day,

Claire

 

Do I Belong Here?

I don’t think I belong on this blog anymore. The girl who used to write it seems like a completely different person. It’s not that I feel much different. I don’t feel much different now than I did last year when I wrote on this blog so often. I feel older and more mature, but less wise somehow.

I feel silly. I feel like a silly seventeen year-old who doesn’t know what the heck she’s doing. I feel like sixteen year-old Claire actually knew what was up. She took life day by day. She saw the beauty in the smallest things. I want that back again.

Somehow I think I’ll never get that back.

I’ll never be the same as I was last year.

Life will never be as slow.

But who knows, it might be. And even if it’s not I’m going to change. I’m going to slow down and see the beauty in the world again.

Because I do belong on this blog. It’s mine after all. And even though I’m changing and moving in different directions, I’m still Claire. I’m still here. Life is still as beautiful as it was last summer. And God is still as good.

As for the future of this blog… I honestly don’t know. I think i’ll visit it more often though. I want to talk about things again. I want to write about the beauty in the world. I want to write little stories again.

Until next time,

Claire

Dear March and April

 

First off and I want to say, how dare you pass so quickly! I can’t believe you. Why didn’t you pass slowly as usual? No, you had to change things up this year and make these months seem super short. And you didn’t even ask me if I would mind. Do I mind, not at all, but still… the sudden change was rather unsettling.

From the very beginning I had a feeling time would be passing quickly. I mean, I went to D.C at the beginning of March, which was really fun. Seeing national landmarks and the White House and taking the subway was all very fun, but then you went and made the rest of the month a whirlwind of activity, fun, and newness. My mom left for a week, my cousins came for a week, I spent a lot of time daydreaming, and the weather grew warmer. All of this is fine and good, I only wish I’d had more time to savor it.

Then the middle of March came and things got a bit crazy. There was a little drama and a little confusion. I felt like I was pushed into a whole new world that was full of situations that I’d only ever read about. Surely, my life would never have a bit of annoying drama in it. But no, I guess not. All that came and went however, as I knew it would.

March melted into April so naturally that it wasn’t like a new month at all… until that 85 degree day, what was that about? Anyways, April came and held my hand for a while and sang me a song. It was my reward for the ridiculously busy, confusing month of March. I got a few days of hand-holding, and then it was back into the fray of ‘business as usual.’ I realized that thrift shopping is fun. That Conan Gray is awesome. And that the best things in life take a lot of work. And I’m in the middle of all that work right now. Yes, it’s hard, but I know that in the end it will be worth it.

I know you know all this already, but, March and April, I just want to thank you for being so lovely. All the sunny days, rainy afternoons, and cold morning gave me hope of a beautiful spring. All the little happy things and little hard things made me realize that my life is changing, and changing fast. All the people who have stepped into my life and all the ones who have been there for many Marches and Aprils, reminded me that love is real and it is powerful. And through all of this, I have been reminded again that God loves me very much and I am very thankful for that.

Thank you March and April, you were lovely.

Sincerely,

Claire

Happy For No Particular Reason

I am happy this afternoon. The sun is shining… well actually, it’s not. Rain is pouring from the heavens and it’s quite a bit cooler than it was yesterday. 

Though it isn’t as cheery outside as it was yesterday, that hasn’t really changed the happiness I have in my heart. I love rain after all. It makes everything so lovely and green. 😊 

Maybe that’s why I’m happy or maybe it has something to do with the fact that it’s Spring. Or maybe it’s because I feel like I’ve accomplished a lot this week and it’s only Tuesday. Or maybe it’s because I started the day off right by reading my Bible. Or maybe it’s because I just finished a cup of tea. Or maybe it’s​ because of all of those things combined, wrapped up, and sent straight to my heart to lighten it and bring it joy. 

I’m well aware of how sappy I might sound right now, but I just do not care. I give myself permission to be sappy whenever I want. 😂 

Happy Tuesday, 

~ Claire 

Hello Again 👋

I know I haven’t posted anything on this blog for a while and I might talk about that and what’s been going on in my life in a future post, but not today. Today I just want to say a quick word and leave. 

The world is beautiful today and that’s something I want to remember. The grass is very green and dotted all over with dandelions. The sky is a perfect blanket of hazy blue. The sun is a circle of bright light in the sky. Small buds are blossoming into magnificent flowers; the mint is spilling over the side of the herb bed. 

Spring is here. Life is good. I am blessed. 

~ Claire 

Carefully Written

I’m going to stop trying to write a blog post everyday. I’ve been trying for months, but have failed miserably. I struggle every day to finish what needs to get done and that doesn’t leave much time for writing. So I fail. I find, at the end of the day, that I have nothing to write about. I stopped actually trying a long time ago and now I realize why I never got back into writing every day.

I don’t have something good to write about every day. I could write everyday. I could write a blog post about some random thing or thought. I could slap together a post just long enough not to make me feel like I’m slacking. I could do that. But I don’t want to do that. I want my blog to be an overflow of what I’ve been thinking and learning about. I want my posts to be better thought out than they are now.

I really did want to make my old plan work, but I ran out of steam rather quickly. All of a sudden I felt like I had nothing to say. I felt dried up. I didn’t want to continue this blog. I think this new plan will free me to think about what I’m going to write. I want to observe and synthesize the world and my experiences and then write about them here.

Maybe someday I’ll have something to say every day. Maybe I never will. Either way, I want to be writing about my experiences and thoughts. I want to be sharing my opinions and passions.

Another Week

Today. Another day of cleaning the house, doing laundry, playing Destiny, and watching videos about YouTube theories. Life, isn’t it great? 🙂 I’ve been looking back at the week today and determining what I think about it. I’ve decided that it was pretty great. It started off with coming home from camp and being a bit sick, and became another school-filled week of my life.

Next week I’m going to D.C. I’m pretty excited about it. I can’t wait to visit all the monuments and museums. Especially the museums. ❤ I love museums so much. I have been visiting them since I was quite young and they hold a special place in my heart. I love wandering around, looking at the different exhibits, reading about the different exhibits, and basking in the glorious quietness that is a museum.

Until Tomorrow,

~ Claire 

Things I Love #2: Warm Weather

It is 74 degrees out today. The sun is shining down onto a world where the grass is getting greener, the wind is blowing sweetly, and it seems like summer should be around the corner. I know it’s going to get cold again, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy today. 🙂

I love sitting outside on the porch during these first few warm days and watching people pass by my house. I do it all the time, but it’s more fun when there are people outside and the weather is nice. I’ll bring out some schoolwork or a book, but most of the time I just end up watching the world pass by. I love to see kids come home from school. I love to hear the train whistle. I love to hear the squeak of the school bus breaks. I love to imagine that maybe it really is May.

I love blue skies and warm evenings. I love sunny afternoons and cool breezes. My favorite thing about warm weather is that it lifts my mood. I could be having a terrible day, but at least it’s warm outside and that means it’s not a terrible day after all.

I know I should be writing on this blog more and so I am going to try and write a blog post every day for an entire week. Perhaps I’ll accomplish my goal this time. 😀

Here’s a song I like: Your Life Over Mine . Also, I just really love Tessa Violet. ❤

Things I Love #1: Ukulele

I love playing my ukulele whenever I have a spare moment. I love pulling up the tuning app on my phone, adjusting the tuning knobs ever-so-slightly so it’s tuned just right, and deciding on a song to play. I’ve memorized some songs (Intertwined by Dodie Clark for example) but then there are songs that I have look up the tabs for. I love learning new songs and I love making my cover of the song all my own.

One of my all-time favorite songs to play has to be U.F.O by Coldplay, because it is such a lovely song and sounds slightly magical on a ukulele.

I love my ukulele because it’s always there whenever I need a break from everything. I can go up to my room, shut the door, and just play for a while.

Finally

I finally took the ACT on Saturday morning and when I got home from taking it I felt like a great weight had been taken off my shoulders. I could finally think about having fun again and doing something other than studying for that test! One of the first things I did that afternoon was make a plan for things I want to accomplish in the near future. I want to start editing my book, read a chapter of a book each day, get each day’s schoolwork done, watch classic movies, read my Bible every day, and practice my ukulele. Those are just a few of my goals.

Since Saturday I’ve started on a number of my them. I’m already back into a rhythm with school and I’ve started editing my book from NaNoWriMo. I’m still working on reading more but I did read for a while yesterday, and there will always be goals that I don’t accomplish. That’s okay. 🙂

I’m so thankful the test is over and done with. I don’t have to think about it again for awhile. I’m so happy I almost feel like summer has come early. I feel so free. 🙂

P.S – I also watched La La Land on Saturday night and it was AMAZING. I’m sort of obsessed with it now… 🙂 This is my wallpaper:

Such a gorgeous movie… ❤ ❤