I try to create a perfect atmosphere for myself when I write. I make a cup of tea or coffee. I turn on nice lighting. I wrap myself in a blanket. I listen to a soundscape, song playlist, etc. I always think the atmosphere matters a great deal when I write, because without it I can’t put myself in the world of my writing.
For a few years I’ve been in a writing slump. As much as I hate to admit that, it’s true. I’ve lost the fervor, the imagination, the bright-eyed wonder that I had a few years ago. When I started this blog I was full of excitement and hope about my future writing career, but now I feel a bit lost. I feel like I’m desperately trying to regain that magic, trying to find what I used to find in writing. I haven’t written anything really good in years.
As I mentioned, I feel like I need to create an atmosphere for myself when I write. I really think this is because I don’t have that spark that I used to have. Now that I have to search for it I put a lot more effort into the activities that surround writing, rather than the act itself. It’s a shame.
Over the past few years I’ve grown up a lot; I’ve gotten a job, started college, and started dating. I live a different sort of inner life than I used to. I don’t read as much. I don’t get that thrill of creativity like I used to. To be honest, I don’t think that it’ll ever come back, because I’m not the same person I was nearly four years ago. Writing takes more work now and I don’t have wild flights of imagination like I used to.
And that’s okay. Right? Life is all about change and growth and moving forward. I was never going to remain a starry-eyed teenager forever. Writing takes more work, but I don’t love it any less. It is still what I am most passionate about. It is still what I want to do for the rest of my life. It is still what makes my heart sour and gives me that wonderful ache that makes me feel most alive.